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Words to live by from Leeky Shortz

August 2011

Just Another Leeky Friday Morning

“What the stinky lint and abandoned food particles trapped in the deep dark recesses of the belly-button of a naky ogress trollop trying ta entice a group of poor, unsuspecting halflings into her lair, do ya make of the week I've had?
“She'simpossible ta live with, I tell ya! I think she's finally lost her mind. What little she had left that is. Maxine Mansfield has been spending her days lately, stumbling from room to room mumbling in what can only be described as, an edit induced trance.
“Just keeps repeating over and over to herself and the bird who now keeps his head down and shivers at the back of his cage, 'I will not use the same word twice in the same chapter, let alone the same sentence. I will start to no longer be a passive writer. I started to begin my sentences and paragraphs with the words start, started,began, begin, as if to, but I now know better. I will, no longer treat comma's, as my personal, slaves. I will insert action into my dialogues, and dialogue into my action, and I will use the word insert, only once in my sex scenes. I will not be so sick of my hero and heroine that I hope they die horribly gruesome deaths, and I(Will) meet my deadline.'
“Gotta admit, I'm kinda scared for her, and I'm usually fearless. Is there perhaps a writers intervention hotline I can call?”

Another Leeky Tuesday Afternoon

"What the shiny pink plastic on the arse of a blond-headed blow-up doll sittin in the corner with her rosy-red lips wide open waiting quietly for the chance ta swallow whole a gnome pecker do ya think of that, lads and lassies?
Maxine is at it again, Ignoring me that is. Says she has important edits due. Bulllll...puckey I say. What could possibly be more important than her writing my...I mean the next story. After all, I'm the main character of book four, Tamed by the Fire. Well, perhaps not 'the main' character, but damn close. She's already written those OTHER stories, so why does she have ta be going back ta them all the time. It makes a gnome wonder. Anyway, that's all I've got on this rainy Alaska Tuesday afternoon ....Perhaps I'll just go spend some quality time with that blond blow-up doll that's making eyes at me from across the room...Just don't tell Laycee!"

A Leeky Tuesday Afternoon

“What the stained sheets on the bed of a troll trollop after a night of debauchery with a band of ogres and a dwarf dandy or two thrown in for good measure do ya think ofthe day I've had, lads and lassies? It's raining here in Anchorage, and Maxine is at it again. Procrastinating that is. She just started the 8th chapter of her current work, but is she writing now? No, she's eating bonbons and surfing the web. How's she ever gonna make me, I mean herself, into a rich,famous author if all she does is sit around all day and nibble sweets? Not sure what ta do with her. Guess I'll just have ta resort ta my extensive powers of persuasion and give her a swift kick in the hiney. That'll get her moving I bet. More later, but don't let her know I talk ta you guys on here about her. Temperamental she is..But, a gnomes gotta have someone ta confide his frustrations ta,doesn't he?
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